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A Plan For Exercise Over 50

June 19, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Health & Aging, Psychology 

Having a workable plan for exercise over 50 can make all the difference. You have to have something that you can do and something that you enjoy doing, otherwise you’ll find the whole thing petering out.

In an unpublished master’s degree thesis The Role of Self-Motivation In Exercise Adherence I observed that the only factor of all those considered that predicted sticking to an exercise program for at least a year was whether or not the person said that they enjoyed how their chosen form of exercise feels when they do it. If it feels good, you’re much more likely to keep doing it.

In case you’re wondering . . . the main reason cited by the people who dropped out was that the didn’t have enough time.

Apparently, if you enjoy the exercise itself, you find the time to do it. Otherwise, it’s likely to slip.

One example of an exercise over 50 plan that you might consider is described at the Livestrong website. See if it includes things that feel good to you.

Exercise Over 50 Is A Win
However You Look At It

June 11, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Health & Aging, Psychology 

The benefits of exercise over 50 are so great that there is really no excuse good enough not to be doing it.

In a recent article reviewing research into the effects of lifestyle choices on the risks of suffering from dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, the American Psychological Association’s Monitor noted that factors within our control including diet, exercise, and cognitive activities do have significant effects.

It’s a short (1 page) summary of current research findings and well worth the time to read, especially if you have been wondering if light to moderate exercise is really worth it. To view the whole article click on ALZHEIMER’s DISEASE/DEMENTIA ARTICLE.

Couples Over 50 Divorce Rate Doubles

June 8, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Divorce, Psychology, Saving Your Marriage 

For couples over 50, divorce rates doubled between 1990 and 2009. In 2009 alone 600,000 people over the age of 50 got divorced.

Researchers at Bowling Green State University in Ohio looking into the phenomenon have dubbed it a Gray Revolution.

They found that a number of factors might explain the data, but the most powerful predictor of divorce over 50 was having been married previously. Why this might be the case remains to be determined, but suspects must include family complications with children and ex-spouses, financial complications, and previous habits, assumptions, and beliefs. It will be interesting to see how the factors sort out.

What was very clear was that previous marriages were a risk factor for divorce over 50 and that the longer a couple had been together, the more likely it was that they would stay together.

While the effects on mental and physical health of losing a partner to death have been considered an important stressor for older people for some time, it seems clear now that the whole topic of losing a partner and finding yourself alone due to divorce needs to be looked into too.

Divorce anytime is difficult, but divorce over 50 is becoming a special and particularly challenging situation.

Financial Infidelity Risk Grows
For Couples Over 50

Couples over 50 face the possibilities for committing financial infidelity may become greater and at least more subtle than in earlier years.

If you consider a definition such as the one recently given in an article titled Preventing Financial Infidelity on the blog . . .

“Financial infidelity is the act of keeping secret various spending habits or purchases, credit cards, stashes of money, accounts, debt, etc. from ones spouse or partner. Often times, however, many adults in the United States when they consider infidelity are not thinking about financial infidelity. However financial infidelity is more common in marriages than you might think.”

. . . you can see that for couples over 50, inheritances, 401k accounts, second marriages, living together, and shares of family businesses, to name just a few possible later life scenarios, you have fertile ground for money matters that you may reasonably consider “yours’ that you may not even think to share with your partner, which is exactly why financial infidelity over 50 may be its own subset of this form of couple trouble.

Certainly legally and technically such assets and liabilities too belong to you alone. And, it is appropriate for you to make your own decisions about how you will handle them, but they still are potential trouble if you don’t handle them well.

The specter of financial infidelity over 50 comes up when as a member of a couple you feel the need to keep these things secret.

When it comes to building relationships, perhaps it comes down to being in or out, and being in calls for having all the cards on the table.

Benefits of Conscious Relating For Men

May 31, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Couples Over 50, Psychology, Saving Your Marriage 

Conscious relating can be a realistic doorway for men to get more of what they want out of their intimate relationship and less of what they don’t want. When done right and from genuine good intent, it is a win-win.

Conscious relationships are reputed to be very rewarding and positive, but you might wonder how that happens and what the conscious partners get that’s so good.

Dr. Robert Glover has given us a list of benefits in conscious relationships that he sees as worthy of effort to achieve

  • Women tend to feel less need to try to control, criticize, or do everything because no one else will
  • Men tend to feel that they are better understood and treated better
  • Men tend to feel less defensive and are less likely to feel that they have to solve their partner’s problems
  • Women tend to feel more respected and included
  • Both generally feel better and more engaged in the whole relationship

Sound good? You can hear Dr. Glover talk about it directly by clicking HERE to connect to a free audio presentation.

Let me know what you think of it.

By the way, all the “tends” were mine, not Dr. Glover’s. . . I was just trying to emphasize that every one of us is unique and will have our own take on just about anything you can name.

Relationship Stress Over 60

Relationship stress tends to peak at times of change. New jobs, new family members, job loss, deaths, children moving out, and just about any other change you can think of creates some degree of stress. It shows up as relationship problems.

For those over 60 some predictable, but none-the-less important, challenges start showing up. Having the personal skills to shift gears as smoothly as possible is at least as important as it is at any other time of life.

From the perspective of your relationship, stress over 60 often takes on new forms as events such as children moving out and retirement not only bring changes, but they also leave empty spaces. And, when you’ve been running fast for years and years with jobs and families, you’re often unprepared to have those times without things that you “have to do.”

Work and children are such legitimate demands on time and attention that they can’t be put off, but they are distractions from your own personal needs, wants, and feelings. They are easy (and legitimate) ways to “hide” from your self.

Without them it can be just you, your partner, and all the unresolved stuff that you have swept under the rug. And, the result is relationship stress in forms that you’ve never experienced.

Dating Website For Married People:
. . . no! with their partner, silly.

April 11, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Couples Over 50, Dating 

Why didn’t I think of it: dating website for married people to plan dates with each other?

Check out the recent New York Times article on exactly that topic. What a great idea for those of us who are either “dating imagination challenged” or who have just slipped into a rut.

Take a look at for couples by clicking HERE.

Understanding Of Power In Relationships Not Advanced By NY Times Op-Ed

April 5, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Books, Power, Psychology 

Talking about power in relationships openly is likely to be misunderstood, but in one way or another how issues of power are dealt with are basic to the psychology of relationships.  When are power imbalances relationship problems and when are they choices?

So, I was hoping for something significant from Maureen Dowd last Sunday in her New York Times Op-Ed piece, She’s Fit to Be Tied, responding to the popularity of the book Fifty Shades of Gray by E. L. James about an S & M relationship.

She opened with a promising admission of sneaking into her brother’s room and looking inside a copy of The Story of O.  Unfortunately Ms. Dowd appears to have run away from taking on the issues of the popularity of “Fifty Shades of Gray” much as she physically closed “The Story of O” and ran away as she described those many years ago.  She put some questions on the table, but the whole thing was quite shallow.  And, there was not a word about men who get turned on by stories of women controlling them in relationships, FEMDOM.

Whether it’s who balances the checkbook, writes the budget, washes the dishes, or who acts how toward whom, just about everything that goes on in relationships involves handling power.  Power to decide.  Power to act.

Whether everything is split right down the middle or there are imbalances in various areas, relationships that last and serve the couple have a balance of power that works for members.  Psychologists studying relationships have talked about power in relationships for decades.

What does not seem to have been the subject of such attention is relationships in which the couple decides to have one or the other exert a preponderance of power because they find it exciting, erotic, rewarding, or simply something that they want to do and do not see it as “sick” or abusive.

It’s too bad that with all the attention works of fiction can attract, it hasn’t led to better discussions of this facet of intimate relating.



Oral Sex For Couples Over 50

August 3, 2011 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Books, Couples Over 50, Health & Aging 

Oral sex can be an even more emotionally charged topic than sex itself, and yet, for couples over 50 there are often excellent reasons to consider it if it hasn’t been in your repertoire before this and to especially enjoy it if you have.

Physical limitations related to aging or illness may make oral sex a favored medium of sexual interaction.

For men coping with erectile dysfunction can be a nightmare, but oral sex may be especially attractive to both partners in this case. There are two reasons for this.

  1. For the man who cannot get an erection, it may be the best way to experience penile stimulation that can lead to orgasm because it is with his partner.  Fortunately, the nerves of sexual feeling are not the same as the ones that control erection, so though it changes the whole situation, it does not preclude it.
  2. And, for a partner of either gender, the lack of erection often makes it a much more comfortable experience to take the penis into their mouth.

For older women who are experiencing painful intercourse and hence are avoiding that, whether due to vaginal dryness or some other cause, oral sex also provides an alternate route to shared sexual pleasure.

In his book Better Than Ever,  Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld, surveyed couples over 50 relative to their sex lives to discover what they were doing, what worked, and what didn’t.  It’s a good book that I encourage your to read, but in the briefest of summaries, couples over 50 are engaged in just about any kind of sexual activity that you can imagine.  Sometimes it is an extension of younger behavior, sometimes it is quite different due to changes in circumstances, and sometimes the people choose not to change attitudes beliefs, and behaviors in the face of change and just “sit it out”.

Which group any given couple was in seemed to depend on whether or not they were what he came to describe as “lovers” or not.  The lovers did what they had to to keep the loving, sexual flame alive.  The others didn’t.

Being one of the lovers sounds like a lot more fun to me.

Infidelity Is Stupid

and you are stupid if you think you can get away with it.

July 21, 2011 by · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Infidelity, Relationship Problems 

Infidelity is stupid.

People who are stupid enough to do it are probably stupid enough to think they can pull it off, which they can’t.

At least that’s what a private eye who gets hired to catch them has generously told us.  If you want to see his 36 reasons cheating is dumb just click on the link or HERE.

Wow!  If that doesn’t make you stop and think, what will?  And guess what?  I’m sure that he isn’t worried that you’ll take his advice and put him out of business.  . . . . he’s not that dumb.  Clearly, it’s not hard to catch a cheating spouse.




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